Tonight, as I did the monotonous kitchen cleaning, high chair scrubbing, and wrangling of the millions-of-tupperware-and-cups-that-Finn-got-out routine, all I could think about was how tired I am; and how I’d cut off my right pinky toe for the cleaning that will never be done, to just be done, so that I could be either be almost drowning in a hot bath or snuggled up with my dog. Then I found a toy pig in the pan cabinet. Out of total muscle memory, I almost picked it up to chunk it back in the toy basket in the living room.
But I didn’t.
I spend a lot of time these days picking up toys and gracefully handling tantrums of all sorts. Earlier today I let Finn’s toy truck nap with him because, well a tantrum, that I didn’t have the patience for at the time. And I ended our evening festivities by almost dropping him in the grocery store because, well a tantrum, that consisted of a very strong 25 pound flailing fireball of screaming stubbornness. Side note: why does this always happen in the checkout line, where the grocery store population is the most heavily saturated, immediately nominating me to become a temporary public figure because my child’s scream is louder than the buzzing of 294 other people?
Anyways, tonight, because of tantrums, I was was kind of 1000000% tired of the toys everywhere.
But I saw that pig in the pan cabinet and my mind grew still for just a moment. In the midst of my normal nightly routine that can seem so frustrating and never ending, I fell in love with the fact that I have a pig in my pan cabinet.
That pig means that I have a happy, healthy boy roaming around my home, filling it with laughter and love, and leaving his mark literally everywhere he goes. That pig reminds me that I have a beautiful blue-eyed mess that yells Chinese-German sayings at me that I can’t begin to understand, but could listen to for a lifetime. It means that I have the opportunity to appreciate the curious little mind that thought the pan cabinet was the best place for that pig to live tonight. Oh and the chip clips, they don’t live in the pan cabinet either, but tonight they do, because every pig needs a chip clip to sleep beside right?
And the most important part here is that pig reminded me tonight of the funny little imagination of my boy, as I pictured him sitting in his carseat balancing that pig on his head, as he laughed at himself in the mirror.
But really, the reason that darn pig warranted an entire blog is because it reminded me of how lucky I am that my days are filled with the messes of a little 15 month old imagination. The mess may not be fun when I just, for the love of all things ever, want to be done picking up toys for the day; but if I choose to put on some rose colored glasses a little more often, I may be able to see that these “messes” are only beautiful little clues into the silly and creative mind of my immensely loved son.
(but can I still get a maid?)