Periodically, as I’m sitting in the recliner rocking my babe to sleep, I freak out and throw my phone across the living room. Which might explain why my six month old is throwing his mango over and over as I write. He liked them yesterday, but that’s in the past, and we’re moving on. I don’t know why I don’t throw my phone more often, to be honest. My husband would disagree. Once I left my phone in the Dallas airport and never saw it again, 81 times I’ve dropped it and had to replace it. But let me explain.
I woke up this morning really hungry for something besides a spoonful of peanut butter, and realized I needed to immediately get dressed so that I couldn’t talk myself out of going to the grocery store for the 3rd day in a row. My husband was already up attempting to make pancakes, and I felt like all my dreams were coming true. They were more like egg cakes. We ran out of mix. So I ate my egg cake, poured more coffee, stuck Finn in his bumbo on the bathroom counter, and started putting on my makeup. Within five seconds Finn knocked over everything on the counter, attempted to eat my toothbrush and had begun the process of gymnastics, trying to flip upside down and backwards and sideways, so he could pry his chubby little thigh out of his seat and dive off the counter. Well this was new.
Eventually we made it to the grocery store, and I decided to try sitting him in the cart today instead of in his carrier. I figured out the little shopping cart cover and strapped him all in. Let’s just say the produce section was nothing short of interesting. He tried to eat all of the plastic bags, and I’m just wondering the whole time what happened to the days of him eating his monkey toy? I contemplated sticking an apple in his mouth to chew on, but someone would probably notice. Plus germs. Oh and he’s six months old and toothless. After I denied him the plastic bags, he decided it fitting to draw as much attention to us as possible. I can’t really explain or understand what sounds he was making, all I know is that they were SOOO loud and so relentless, and I got really offended by the guy that didn’t smile at his sounds. This also was new, but I somehow managed to get out of there with everything I needed, and everything I came in with. New as well.
And then there’s the current situation. I always give him frozen mangoes in this little teething gadget, and he loves them. Today, he shivers every time he licks them and has thrown them down at least 12 times, looking at me like I’m abusing him for encouraging him to eat something so awful. I’m really confused about this one.
So why does any of this mean I should throw my phone? It has nothing to do with my slightly increased stress level, as I’m trying to entertain my child who seems to have drank sugar in his sleep last night. It’s the fact that everything is so different today, all minor things, but nevertheless different.
Today my six month old hates mangoes and loves plastic. Today he learned how to sing the most beautiful song in the grocery store for literally everyone and their dog to hear. Today he learned that maybe one day if he sets his mind to it, he really can pry that little thigh out of his chair and live a life of freedom and eat anything his heart desires. Today he’s just a little different than yesterday.
I told myself from the time that Finn was born that I wanted to be a mom who lived a life undistracted. It’s so easy to turn to our devices every time we sit down. It’s like if we get a silent moment, or a still moment, we think we need to fill it with something; and 99% of the time we have our phones, so we create a habit out of filling our blank spaces with social media.
So last night I threw my phone because I realized I was looking at everyone else’s kids on Facebook, rather than watching my own child as his bright eyes grew small, his breath quiet, his feet still, and he slowly drifted to sleep for the night with his tiny hand resting on my chest.